I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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