we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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