Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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