if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize