so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
