Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
farters have to be the big spoon...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
