Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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