i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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