To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
