would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
