Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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