I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
