sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
