Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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