im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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