I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
