she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
