He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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