i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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