oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
