I'm so fucking centered right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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