I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
