was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
