bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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