Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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