when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
