he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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