There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize