According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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