He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
