my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
