if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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