Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
