so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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