im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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