my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
