Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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