I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
