I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
