Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
