It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
