he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
