"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
