even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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