i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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