he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
