Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
