Umm I'm too high to move.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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