I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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