I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
