The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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