omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
