Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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