Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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