In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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