He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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