i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
