Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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