not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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