I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
