I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she looked like the before picture.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
